Tuesday, December 16, 2014

What If.. A Post For Me.

Maybe it's because my birthday is coming up, or the year is coming to an end, but I always get melancholy and introspective, this time of year. Today I've been thinking about the life I thought I'd have versus the one I have. First, I didn't plan on getting married until I was 30. I was a voracious reader, and many of the books I read were about strong independent women, with business savvy, successfully making their way through a mans world. That's what I'd planned on... that and traveling the world with leather luggage, and beautifully tailored, natural fiber clothes. So what happened?
Well, I was never encouraged to be independent, or taught how to function in the real world. I had no idea how to go about getting what I wanted. I was enrolled in a college I had no interest in, and without my consent. The reality is that I met Brewier my first day at university and we were married five months later. I would have sucked at being a business person, I'm a wimp, and because I've been chemically sensitive all my life, traveling would have been a miserable, possibly death inducing, experience. And that's why Im posting this, instead of deleting it like I've done in the past. I need to remind myself that my dream life would have made me miserable.
Overall, my life, it's been pretty great. I have a wonderful relationship with both of my daughters, homeschooling allowed us to have so many adventures, and family time; and while I don't have the social life I'd like, the hand full of friends I do have, are the kind you have forever, (and understand that for me, just sitting together without talking is socializing.)
So yeah, thats what I've been thinking today while baking Christmas cookies, and playing with Oliver.
And I'm still in my pajamas, which I would never have gotten away with in my dream life.

P.S.
Part of my life examination could be that I just sent my world traveling, business owning, living off the land, brother, Greg, a birthday card.

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